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It is half past midnight and Hillary Clinton is sound asleep in her bedroom at the Chelsea Hotel in Manhattan.
Her cell phone rings. “Huh? Um. Hey, Who the knucklehead calls me this late?”
“The one and only Donald Trump.”
“Oh my goodness! Donald Trump.”
“Yes, my dear Hillary, it is me.” “So what are you calling me about at this late hour when most sane people are sleeping.”
“Hillary, I am calling for a little advice.”
“I wonder if it would be not politically correct to star in a movie while I’m still president?”
“No problem, in my opinion. As long as it’s a soap opera.”
“Very funny, Hillary. You know I watched the Oscars, the Academy Awards, last night and I want to win one of those gold statues.It might help to distract people from the Russia investigation.”
“What Russia investigation?”
“Hillary how can you not know about what my enemies are accusing me of doing with the Russians, with Putin. You know, what they’re trying to hang me for.”
“Well Donny dear, since I lost the presidential election to you in 2016, I have ignored the news. Actually I’m taking a film directing class at New York University. I’m doing a feature film called Hallelujah.
“Really, Hillary, how very interesting. Would you consider me for a part?”
“I do have a part for God.”
“I’d be perfect for that,” Donald brags.
“Hmmm. There is something about you, Donny boy. Could you come by my private hotel room for a tryout. Bill’s out of town and…”
Hillary, no matter what you think of me, at least in public I’m a married man. I’m trying to cover up a lot of past misdeeds. I can’t do that, you might expect something. Actually, no I might flip flop and come to your room. But can’t you just give me the part because I’m the president? You see me on Twitter all the time.”
“No, no, no. I don’t use social media. My Indian guru Maharaji said to avoid social media.”
“I’ve just been shooting and editing films, mostly comedies. Hallelujah is a comedy.”
“Great” Donald grovels. “Ah Hillary, come on you’re my connection to the movie business. My ray of hope. We’re old friends aren’t we? You and Bill came to my wedding to Melania.”
“Yes, your wedding gave me a legitimate excuse to cancel my root canal. That’s the reason I came.”
“Ouch, Hillary. Have some mercy here. This Russia thing really has me freaked out. I really want to play God in your movie. I even have a white robe and a throne.”
“Like I said, Donald, come to my hotel room and wear shorts, a tank top and flip flops. And make sure your toenails are painted pink.”
“Pink toenails? Something about this gives me the willies, “Donald whines. “I’m a man. I’m the president of the United States the most powerful country in the world.”
“But Donald you know how the movie biz works.”
“Even for the president to try out for the part of God?”
“Yes, even for that.”
“Please, Hillary, I’ve got to earn an Oscar before tomorrow. I heard they had one gold statue left over, probably reserving it for me.”
“Ha, ha, ha, ha,” laughs Hillary. “I always knew you had an imaginative sense of humor.”
“No, I’m serious, Hillary.”
“Ha, ha, ha, ha! Sorry Donald.
“Why are you sorry, Hillary?”
“God is a woman. She’s going to be played by Whoopi Goldberg.”
Mary Stobie is a syndicated columnist and author. Signed copies of her popular memoir You Fall Off, You Get Back On are available at Boulder Bookstore on the Pearl Street Mall in Boulder. Buy online at www.boulderbookstore.net/book/9780692301135
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